You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
