I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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