You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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