I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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