dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
