I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
