I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
