a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
