i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize