dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
