Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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