we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
