Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
