Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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