I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
