She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
