You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize