shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
