I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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