You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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