A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
