he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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