My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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