dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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