So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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