I could have mohawked her pubes.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They took my balls.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
