i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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