If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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