I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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