Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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