Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
