also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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