part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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