I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
