I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
