worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
