someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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