saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
