There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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