went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
