Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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