Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize