oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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