That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
