You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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