I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
