he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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