You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
