Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
