And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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