i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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