Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
