I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
