Don't make out with my wife yet
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
