I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
