Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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