I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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