Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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