Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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