i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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