so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
