New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
