be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We don't watch enough power rangers
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
