WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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