God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
