You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
