Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
