I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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