guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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