If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
