Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
