That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
